Billy D'Ettorre

 

Top Excuses To Not Get A Flu Shot

I don't get flu shots, and don't plan on it this year... I'm paranoid about them... I've heard that they can make people sick.

Even though a majority of doctors recommend getting a flu shot, vaccine rates are still low.  Here are The Top Excuses for Not Getting a Flu Shot.

 

 

Needles make you woozy.  As does everything else in life.  Because you're a drunk.

 

 

You want to catch the flu because you're married and there's a slight chance the flu will lead to early death.

 

 

The flu will strengthen your immune system for when you inevitably get syphilis.

 

 

Your shoulder is still raw from the swastika tattoo.

 

 

You only like going to the doctor when there's a chance he'll cup your nads.

 

 

You have a better method of avoiding the flu called "Being too stoned to leave your futon and interact with contagious people."

 

 

It's simply not legit until Matt Lauer gets one live on the "Today" show.

 

 

The last time you went to the pharmacy to get a flu shot, your mind was irreparably BLOWN, after you took their suggestion to compare the CVS-brand ibuprofen to regular Advil.

 

 

(CAREFUL) You're pretty sure "influenza" is Italian for "disease that only affects geezers and immigrants."

 

 

You HATE needles . . . unless they're giving you a sweet new tribal band.

 

 

You WANT to catch the flu so you'll actually have a brief escape from the painful inferno that is the people in your office.

 

 

You decided that explosive diarrhea is a small price to pay for a few days off work.

 

 

You don't like dropping your pants around other customers at CVS.

 

 

Jenny McCarthy says vaccines are bad, and you don't get on "The View" by being a dummy, right?

 

 

When you tried to sign up for free flu shots on the Obamacare website, the first appointment they could give you was in 2019.

 

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